Retelling of classical stories SotA style

How would some classical stories play out if they would happen in the world of SotA.

1. Gandalf the wizard visited the hobbit Bilbo to ask him to join his adventure. After he saw Bilbo behind some chairs stacked high into the sky besides two snowmen (although it was summer) the wizard asked the hobbit if he wanted to join him. But Bilbo was busy writing words with fruit on his lawn...
Later Bilbo crawled through the orc caves and found a ring. Then he met the mysterious Gollum but had to wait in line as Leetmasta327 and HonkydonktheGreatLordofD0rkness5 were first in line to talk to Gollum - they killed him. Both jumped by Bilbo showing that they also found the one and only magic ring. After Gollum reappeard out of thin air Bilbo had to be quick to defeat him in a riddle contest as UltimoTheCyberSamurai and StarWarsTrekDoctorWho jumped by and whacked at Gollum with their swords.
Bilbo traveled through Mirkwood which was rumourd to be filled with spiders. Leetmasta327 jumped by and spoiled him where the spiders had set up their trap. At the spiders nest every spider had been killed already by StarWarsTrekDoctorWho. But shortly afterwards the creatures reappeared out of thin air.
Bilbo then had to travel to the lost dwarven city of Erebor but there was an open PvP zone between him and his destination. Griefers and gankers greeted him by killing him constantly.
In the cave of the evil dragon Smaug Bilbo feared that the beast would attack the city of the humans outside but Smaug only threatened but nothing ever happened. UltimoTheCyberSamurai now wearing a mighty pink bunny costume told Bilbo that Smaug would never attack the city as other players had their homes there. Together they killed the dragon five times.
They build snowmen in the dwarven city as orcs threatened to attack it but the attack never happened. After they celebrated christmas in June and wrote filthy words with fruit on the lawn and stacked ankhs high into the sky they danced sychronously to modern day music from a radio and played some gustball while others killed Smaug over and over again. In the evening after some dancing around a fire they compared their one and only rings they found in the caves of Gollum. They didn't care about the warning of Gandalf that the evil Lord Sauron would soon attack the whole world. Because the attack would never come, every city was safe. Because players lived there, no one could die. So they danced synchronously happly ever after.

 

Good story, m'lord.

 

That's so hilarious - and true

 

I guess most players aren't roleplayers!
I don't know what is the intention of most players, PoT owners etc.

I for myself are allways in Character trying to enlive the World of New Britania with all possibilities i have.

 

That's why Single Player Online and Single Player Offline exist, and why I don't play ESO.

 

I wanted the name StarWarsTrekDoctorWho but it was already taken